Rumours are rife in Westminster today, after an explosive interview was published in several newspapers accusing Jeremy Corbyn of conducting in the dark arts. The source, known only as “George O” (not his real name), reasoned that Corbyn being a warlock was the logical conclusion after considering the observed evidence.
“It’s simple deduction. How can a bearded old man, have such a meteoric rise in poularity, with the youth? It just doesn’t make any sesne, it’s not like he’s Santa Clause.” George continued to say, that the Labour leader must be casting spells to wield his influence. “You’ve got to ask questions, this guy has appeared out of nowhere resembling Gandalf, and getting others to do his bidding. He’s got huge charisma.” George attributes Corbyn’s sorcery to knowledge gleaned from ancient times when he was a teenager.
He also points out that Mr Corbyn is inserting subliminal messages at getherings, giving Glastonbury as a prime example. “The chanting is almost pious. He gets them whipped up into a frenzy and then puts them into a hypnotic trance, here is where he gives them instructions. It shouldn’t be allowed.” This last allegation has prompted for some Conservative backbenchers, to call on the government to enact legislation countering such strategies.
Asked how an active parliamentarian such as Mr. Corbyn, could find the time to orchastrate wizardry on this scale, George responded by saying the “shadowy” sect known as momentum must be helping out. “Look, I’m not stupid. I know he’s got minions to do his dirty work, when he’s keeping up appearances at PMQs.”
A spokesman for Jeremy Corbyn declined to comment.