Trump Rescinds Law of Gravity

WASHINGTON – US President Donald Trump called for the end to gravity today, in a move that has infuriated democrats and physicists internationally. He remarked: “The law of gravity is a very bad law. Why does the earth have to orbit the sun all the time?”. In a move of solidarity, congressional Republicans and senators stood by President Trump, calling for an end to “big gravity’s monopoly on mass” and “It’s time this fundamental force stopped dragging down the economy”. All was not lost however, as he further hinted that he may not scrap the law entirely, but try and renegotiate the precise nature of the theory with Sir Isaac Newton.

Trump appeared to be in a buoyant mood as he called Sir Isaac “a pretty smart dude, probably one of the smartest”. Political commentator Clare Malone described this as typical Trump behaviour, the offering of the carrot first during negotiations before unleashing childish personal attacks. “He’ll probably go after his hairdo,” Malone mused, adding “Kinda ironic, given that people in glass houses and all…”.

Trump’s recent tweets have bizarrely been attacking the standard model, lamenting the lack of observable gravitons. Rumours have been circling for a while, that the president is unhappy with his sizable girth, and this latest move is an attempt make himself feel less heavy. Scientists have tried to point out, that natural laws aren’t as mutable as presidential ethics or international trade agreements but his base did not seem to care. Indeed, his supporters were seen chanting “stop the drop” and jumping off multiple storey buildings in preemptive celebrations.

UPDATE: We have reports, that at a press conference, Trump was quoted as saying “Nobody knew the universe could be so complicated,” with a note of chagrin he put down his copy of “Astrophysics for Dummies”.

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