Well, well, well. Who saw that result coming? YouGov did apparently. It’ll be remembered as the election which few people wanted, fewer people liked the result and cost ~£130m. Don’t hold your breath, because there might be another one soon, when the walking corpse Theresa May is finally ousted as leader past her sell by date. The Tories felt like they lost and Corbyn felt like he won, even though the opposite was true.

It’s quite funny to see May fail so spectacularly. The right wing Tory propaganda machine, that is the newspapers, foreseeing a 100+ majority only for it to be reduced was ironic, take that Alanis Morissette. May said she called election to give her a mandate and a stronger position for Brexit negotiations. The EU didn’t give a shit about the election and in fact the result showed just how weak she was. The real reason she called the election was because the papers were telling her she had a 15 point lead and she thought she could crush the opposition, paving way for her vision of a hard Brexit. Also to use arcane, out-dated laws like the royal assent to repeal rights without oversight.

I just wanted to remind everyone of the three Tory soundbites, that were reiterated during this election, that turned out to be false (lest ye forget):

Strong and Stable – May thought that if she said this enough times, that it’d come true. Like an exercise from a self help book for weak, duplicitous, leathery-faced gargoyles. Strong and Stable? More like Weak and Wobbly. Especially as you send Amber Rudd to fill in for you on a debate. I saw a statistic that said for each key marginal May visited, the Tories lost. And she cited visiting constituents as the reason to not attend debates. The more the population saw of May the less they wanted her.

There’s no magic money tree – There clearly is and it’s called borrowing. The government used the tree to buy 10 DUP MPs at £100m a pop to form a coalition. Since then they have borrowed more for other projects as well. If they disagree with something they’ll just come out with this shitty line. If they do agree with it, they’ll borrow – or use the tree, in their words.

Coalition of Chaos – No, this is not your cousin’s shitty metal band that he wants you to be in. This is the threat of a Labour/SNP coalition (or the so-called rainbow alliance – with other parties &c). Which party made the coalition post election again? Oh that’s right, the Conservatives. Coalition government isn’t necessarily a bad thing – take the best ideas from multiple parties. Do you want a government with a whopping great majority to pass through laws without them being adequately challenged? Legislation might take a little longer to pass but overall I think it’s a good thing. Funnily enough, the DUP has blocked some Tory legislation over the NHS. How’d you like those sky potatoes?

So what have we learned through this treatise? That the Tories are lying bastards and can’t be trusted.